A Little Verklempt

While sitting in the Portland International Airport, I am for the first time in a long time really paralyzed with fear. The gate I am boarding at is E6. For those of you who don't know E6 is at the end of one of the corridors and down a flight of stairs and by God walking that walk was one of the longest things. I know that in time I will be excited and happy and will love that I am going, but for now I am so wracked with tension and fear that I can only hope that I can get up when they call my seat number. It may sound a little dramatic, but there are no words, phrases, or actions that can truly pass on to you dear reader how bloody well terrified I am. All I can do is meditate on the tapping of my keys and hope that they, along with a klonopin will sedate my mood.

But let us turn from the tension now to the mediation of the stars and lights from the past two nights.

Friday night I posted a facebook event, telling those who wished to say bye, to appear at the Roxy (It's a Diner on Stark St. in Portland). And those who showed up filled my hear with joy. We at cheese fries, I chatted with Maddie, Hiedi and Joey, John and Katie, Cammron, Q, and a few others who popped in and out. Then went walking down to the water front, grabbed some drinks on the way. We made our way to the Waterfront and I took some wonderful photos of people I love.

Those will be posted somewhere shortly and I'll update this post when I do.

Then last night, Cody, Cherry, Megan, Ryan, and I took a jaunt to Cody's house and had a bit of cake and star gazing. Despite the ruckus that ensued because of a lack of blankets and an overabundance of hormones, I did get to stare at the stars. And It was fantastic. Their overabundance coupled with knowledge that those stars are similar to the ones in China but only slightly different. I guess I have seen the stars from the various points in the norther hemisphere and they are all the same cycle but all so different. I don't really know what the point I am getting at with the stars, but maybe it goes something like this. When I was in middle school I remember singing a duet with Caryoln Leader and the duet went like this:

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

The song is "Somewhere Out There" from An American Tail and maybe that brings me to the end of this blog. It may be a little random but here it is, the moral or important part in a nice little package:

I am terrified, petrified even, but in the end "love can see us through."


I can do this.

Love you All,
Iain C.